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"My favorite position is the JFK: I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car." "I'm going to learn yoga. "I was an altar boy, a spokesperson for the Virgin Mary, I was a choir boy but then at the age of 14 I discovered masturbation and all that went out the window."  Guillermo del Toro. "Some say: ' Love means never having to say you're sorry '. But when they tell me I'm fucking nuts, I have to smile, because then I know they understand." . "Chastity is curable, if detected early." "The penis mightier than the sword."   Mark Twain. Just don't play with the squirrels, they bite." "If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter."   George Carlin. It's staying up all night looking for them that does you."   Casey Stengel (1890-1975). "A woman asked her husband to go to the video store and get ' Scent of a Woman '. "Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off."  Bumper sticker. "When God created man and woman, he did not take a patent. "Abstinence-only sex education makes as much sense as removing seatbelts from cars because the seatbelts will encourage speeding." "Abstinence makes the church grow fondlers." "Well, I've got one son, but I'll be damned if I remember how that happened." "Celibacy is a waste. "Girls complain about guys using them for sex, but sex is awesome! "Every time you sleep with a boy you sleep with all his old girlfriends."  Government advert warning about aids, 1987. Now that you've been warned, enjoy. The guy at the counter was mortified."  Locl-Yocl.

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At least not out of a diaper."  Bob Van Voris. Never keep the lube and the glue in the same drawer." "A bikini is like a barbed-wire fence. I was so alone." "My sister caught me jacking off the other week and called me a pervert. No, it's not them, you dirty bastards. Nothing beats a quiet evening at home with a rental movie and the challenge of trying not to appear too interested in the nude scenes. Nun." "You can't go into the ring and be a nice guy. "It's all this cold-hearted fucking that is death and idiocy."  .H. "They say if you have positive thoughts about something, it will happen. "I had a dream that Britney Spears rubbed her breasts in my face and Jennifer Lopez gave me head while Salma Hayek sucked my toes and the Olsen twins videotaped everything. That's why any imbecile has been able to do so ever since."  .

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before the age of 25 sounds a lot like leaving a party before 10pm. "If your sexual fantasies were truly of interest to others, they would no longer be fantasies."  Fran Lebowitz. Your testicles, for example."  John Dockery. "I have brains and a uterus, and I use both."   Pat Schroeder. The system works really well, except for that one discussion about my genital warts."  Carl Knorr. Premium bruker, premium bruker, premium bruker, premium bruker, premium bruker, premium bruker, premium bruker, premium bruker, premium bruker, premium bruker, premium bruker, premium bruker, premium bruker, premium bruker, premium bruker, premium bruker, premium bruker, premium bruker, premium bruker, premium bruker, premium bruker, premium bruker, premium. But if you got as much barely-legal student poontang as The Hawkster, you'd be in a wheelchair too."  Scott Adams. It's called efficiency." "I am NOT gonna donate sperm for money. "If your really want your spouse to listen to you, talk in your sleep." "Marriage is the only war when you sleep with the enemy." "Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. That's not true I'm too busy masturbating to meet anyone new."  Rowdy Roddy. "I have a friend who affectionately calls her three kids pill, condom, and diaphragm. "I heard about a 70s porn site.

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"Bachelors know more about women than married men. At this point, I figure it's my best shot at ever getting laid again."  Christopher Urich. "I love children and would like to have as many as possible. Once there, we learned to air our differences."  Little Dockery. Because the sound of zippers scares the shit out of sheep." "How does a scotsman find a sheep in tall grass? "Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions."  Woody Allen. "Part of me wants to tell my friends about how I had sex all night long last night. Three months of bliss not worrying about dating. "Put sand in your vagina so that your crabs will feel at home." "My wife had a dream in which she was getting banged by Brad Pitt, George Clooney and Matt Damon all at once, while Don Cheadle and I were playing poker across the. So this wiseass pipes up: ' What about extreme sexual exhaustion?

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